5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
