oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
