Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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