You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
