this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
