Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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