I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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