yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
