you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
