There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
