She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
