I just cut my nipple shaving
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
