OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
