so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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