her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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