I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he puts the penis in happiness.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
