yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
