you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
