I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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