is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
