Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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