worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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