It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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