we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
