At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just want to make out with him forever
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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