I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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