She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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