i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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