can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
