I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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