I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
