You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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