Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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