Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
