it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
