Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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