i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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