Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
