Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I am spending my child support on dildos
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
