Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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