my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
