I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
worst night to have a conscience
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
