I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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