is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Come see our sink grown plant.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
