I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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