That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
