Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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