How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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