drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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