Someone shit on the floor
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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