I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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