I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
