Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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