i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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