Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
