I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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