I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
