drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
