I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
