I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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