Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
