apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
