nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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