I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
