just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
