She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
