i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
